Well, there is a big diff between not being Able to be able and not Wanting to be alone.

Not wanting to be alone is what I've mostly had to face it. It means, I'm completely capable of being on my own, emotionally speaking I've been on my own plenty of times in my life. Considering the excessive amount of times I've shut down or shut everyone out I've been alone emotionally often. Physically speaking I don’t want to be alone. I can be completely, emotionally speaking, unavailable where you will not get a serious conversation out of me nomatter how hard you try but I'm able to be there around the person or multiple people for hours, even days. Having somebody in the same room as me, even if its completely silent, lets all of my thoughts focus on them. What they’re thinking, how they’re feeling, what they’re hiding, their past, their real emotions, etc. When I’m not alone I’m able to focus on everything but myself which is my goal most of the time, to avoid facing my personal demons. I don’t want ot be alone out of fear of meeting my demise.

Not being able to be alone.. This is more common with people who are bordeline suicide. However, most people either do not know they are like this or choose not to let others know they're like this. Not being able to be alone mean literally you have break downs when somebody isn't around you. As soon as that last person leaves you, you're ready to kill yourself, cut yourself, whatever, that's fucking stupid as fuck! Even if they are coming back in the next couple of hours. This version is not particulary shown in the physical case, but usually emotional. This is more of when people need to be reassured constantly that somebody, anybody is there on call, always. Physically speaking it is shown when somebody just always is with someone else.

The second case does not apply to everyone. SOme people really are just extremely sociable. They are always wanted around so they just give in. Neither is healthy. Both is depending on others to provide something that should be self-sufficient. You shouldn't need others around. Having others around is always nice but everyone needs alone time. That is usually when you are able to hear your deepest thoughts that need to be heard but are said in a whisper. Those thoughts aren't always positive, which in my case is why I don't like the quiet or being alone.

The major diff is the two is one is in a way an option. Eg, tonight, I'm choosing to be alone. I don't want to be but I am. I could easily call someone up and have them come over heere, pick me go out and yeah. But instead, I'm just going to watch movies and tine out the inevitable on my own. Depend on myself and no one else. The ones that can't be alone are the ones who usually shouldn't be alone. Those are the one who should seek professional help, in my opinion.. That was once me also but I got better through my own personal counselor, God, Jesus, and the rest of the homies.

Try to educate or justify what all goes on and the diff type of people. I say all the time things get better, which they do with time. It might have taken me years but I evolved from not being Able to be Alone without having suicidal thoughts to just pretending not to be.

Everything is a struggle.. But its up to you to be defeated.



I hope that I could forget the past and move on as fast as I could.
Dear Jesus, take my life and make me forget the past and move on to a new life. Take my life, Jesus...
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